Archive for December 2015

Space Elf Storage

Wednesday, December 23rd, 2015

New Celebrity Customer!

Christmas time is a time of magic. And no one does magic better than Father Christmas himself. But let’s be honest, Santa has enough to do with travelling 510,000,000km and carrying 840,000 tonnes of presents! So naturally he does not also make all the toys himself. That job he leaves to his elves.

Most of Santa’s elves, we are sure, work very hard for him year round and extra hard of course as Christmas approaches. However, Space can confirm that recently Santa has had to deal with some slackers, some lazy elves. Santa’s operation is massive! Gigantic beyond comprehension. So there is no room on the production line for messing around. However this year it seems Mr Claus has had to have words with some of his elves about not towing the line. You would think that that would snap them back into action but it seems a stern talking-to from the big man was not enough for some of his more idle helpers!

Here at Space we are in a unique position to confirm that Santa has taken extreme measures this year to discipline his bad elves. We regret to inform you that the boss man is now threatening his elves with confinement – imprisonment. But where will Santa lock up these naughty elves? Not in a cozy, firelit elf cottage in lapland. No! Santa’s proposed punishment is much more severe.

lighten bag

 

You see, this is how Space has acquired a new customer. We can now reveal that our new celebrity customer is… the one and only Santa Claus! Yes, Mr Claus has rented a 150 square foot storage unit, our largest one available. He dropped into us last week to take a few pictures of the unit. He wanted to highlight the austere surroundings of a modern industrial storage unit – cozy for boxes but not for elves. Santa informed us that he would be posting the photos on elfbook as a warning to his lazy elves. We had a peek on elfbook and we also came across this photograph so there can be no doubting Santa means business.

As yet Mr Claus’s unit remains empty. It seems the ploy has worked for old saint nick and his little helpers are back working hard as ever. That should mean that there will be no disruption to production and no issues with distribution. So all good little boys and girls can expect to see their prezzies magically appear under the tree as usual.

Watch this space. We’ll let you know if our facility receives any new lodgers!

Happy Christmas,

Space Cadet.

Hiding Christmas Presents

Thursday, December 17th, 2015

Hiding Christmas Presents

 

For better or worse, kids are curious. And never more so than at Christmas time. If there are presents in the house, they’re gonna find them (and possibly ruin the loveliest lie that they will ever fall for in their lives!). So to prevent this catastrophe here are a few suggestions of clever ways you can hide the Christmas presents from wandering eyes.

Suitcases

 

Old suitcases are a perfect empty space waiting to be filled. Chances are your bags and cases stay in the same spot all year long so kids will be unsuspecting once you put them back in their spot stuffed full of prezzies.

 

Boot Bags

If you keep the goodies in a golf bag or gym bag in the boot of your car they should be safe. It is unlikely your children will think to open them up and peek inside. Also, whenever you leave the house you will take the gifts with you – and that is precisely the time the kids will probably start poking around.

 

2 men candles

Is there some way you can make the present look like something else. For example if you bought your son a video game or a dvd could you slide out the inlay card and replace it with a boring old one then just leave it on the shelf. Or another clever one that I picked up from Hitchcock’s macabre film Rope – the murderers hide the body in a box then dress it up as the dinner table! – why not throw a tablecloth over that little pool table you picked up. No one will ever know.

Paper blue box

 

Maybe hide some of them in plain view. A box lying in the corner is unlikely to arouse suspicion, especially if it is topped up with old newspapers looking like it is destined for the recycling bin. Could be a perfect place for little stocking fillers.

Baby Christmas tree

 

Sometimes the most obvious place is the last place you look. Why not wrap the present then just give it the wrong label. There’s no chance anyone will suspect a present is for them if it has your work colleague’s name on it. Just remember to change it back on Christmas Eve or else you may end up giving your pal in the office My Little Pony at the Xmas party.

Space units

 

SPACE SELF STORAGE

The safest place of the lot.

 

Yes, kids are curious, but you can’t tell them where the presents are. And it isn’t always wise to answer all of their questions either!

To dramatically illustrate this point I will leave you with this little parenting story from stand-up comedian Louis C.K.

Dad and daughter

 

  • Daddy does the earth go around the sun?
  • Yes
  • Does it do it all the time?
  • Yes
  • Will the earth always go around the sun?
  • Well, no. At some point the sun’s going to explode. (She’s 7 years old. She started to cry immediately. Bitter tears for the death of all humanity. Here’s how I tried to save it…)
  • Oh, no, honey. This isn’t going to happen until you and everybody you know has been dead for a very long time. (She didn’t know any of these things. Now she knows all of these things. I was proud of her, she took it well!)

 

Happy Christmas from everybody at Space Self Storage!

 

Space Cadet.